'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
