3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
