I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
