Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
