Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
