i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
soo... how was my night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
