nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
