can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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