Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
