Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
