separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
