Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
