How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
