Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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