Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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