all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
