Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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