My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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