Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
