I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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