she was so not down for the gang bang
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
