How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
