If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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