Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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