highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
