put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
