is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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