I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
