She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just want to make out with him forever
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
