OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
