just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I looked at my own cervix.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
