are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
