Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
