First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
