I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
