So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
