Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
