i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
