trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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