If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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