He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
