Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
