I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
