I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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