Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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