someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
