As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
