the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
