I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
please come you make the beer taste better
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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