lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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